This is Really Happening

I guess if you're going to fight back against cancer, at some point, you have to start treatments.  I took step one today down this path which I never desired to go.  No turning back now (not that I ever really had that option).

I awoke bright and early, cleaned up and did NOT put on makeup because they said you can't wear makeup into surgery. (Don't they know that I'm going to be on TV?!) So the first time I will appear on  camera, I had no makeup on.  Geesh! Mark Roper from KSFY showed up at my door right before Matt, Xander and I were about to leave, and did a quick interview with me, asking how this all started, how I discovered the lump, and what step we were taking today.

At least my hair and pajama pants looked good!

I am not sure that he knew what to make of me. He is uncomfortable about cancer. Everyone is. When I joke around about it, he squirms a little. I noticed this right away, and said that one of the things I hope to accomplish by this footage is to abolish the fear that this disease holds on our world. I have no fear of cancer. Yes, it can be a deadly disease, but I have 2 big things in my favor: I have a God that is way bigger than any illness, and good grief! Look how far the research has come over the years!

God's peace is the reason I can still be me. I do not have to be defined by being a "cancer" mom. You'll notice that cancer never gets a capital C in my world. It does not hold that much power over me. I spend a lot of time in God's Word daily, doing multiple morning and evening devotions, and soaking Him in. I have an assurance that no matter what happens, He holds me in the palm of His hand. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, and this was not a surprise to God. NO, it was not his will for me to get sick- I believe that God created us to be whole, and perfect and beautiful. He is the healer of our diseases. Look at what Jesus did when He came to live among us! He healed people over and over. It demonstrates His great power, and it shows His perfect love for us.

Unfortunately, this world is broken. It is so far from the paradise that He created for us. There are multiple evidences that point to our poor nutritional habits and environmental factors as the causes of not only cancer, but heart disease, diabetes, and other fatal illnesses. Somehow, we've brought this on ourselves.  This old world has been in a steady decline since the Fall of Man.

No one can tell me what caused me to develop this tumor. But I know that God will absolutely use me to glorify Him as I walk this road to healing.

And I trust my doctors. There is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that their ultimate goal is to boot me out the door, completely cancer-free in seven years. I have read the research, I have seen the speculation that says drug companies control the medical industry. They don't want us to avoid cancer, they just want us to get treatment because they make money on us that way. I can't say I disagree, but I also can't doubt the hearts of people like my childhood friend Kelly, who survived cancer while she was in high school, and is now some kind of crazy-smart researcher at the University of Alabama-Birmingham. I can't doubt the heart of my surgeon, who got cornered at church by my nurse friend (another childhood buddy), Renee' who threatened him with bodily harm if he didn't take care of me. And I trust my oncologist, who lays it out on the line, is very down-to earth, and yet compassionate enough to know that this is not an easy thing for anyone to go through- and we all want options. No one WANTS to do chemo. Duh!

Anyway, back to my day. Today's surgery was to insert a port under my left clavicle so that blood can be drawn and medications administered through it instead of having to wreck my veins. (see previous post)

The news guys followed me around the house as we were getting ready to leave (Maia missed the footage because school starts an hour earlier for her, and she was already gone). They kept the mic turned on after the interview portion because, "and don't take this the wrong way- you're very entertaining." Maybe that will draw attention away from the fact that I didn't bother to clean my kitchen. (That and the no makeup thing makes me more down-to-earth and approachable, right?  Right?)

They filmed us getting into the car, and the boys dropping me off at the surgery center. Matt then took Xander to school, and returned. My mom was coming in from Yankton, but it was pretty foggy, so she wasn't there to greet us. The volunteer at the front door was not sure what to make of me and my camera crew. Doesn't everyone show up for surgery with their own media entourage? I was also met by a representative from the hospital's PR department, who will make sure that both the hospital and I are treated with respect by the news crew.

I checked in, and was ushered to room 9 (Matt & Mom showed up shortly thereafter), they took my vitals, explained what was going on, etc. There was a lot of waiting around. Of course, you don't get to eat before surgery, so I was hungry, but they did start an IV, so I had to go to the bathroom before I went in to the operation. They walked me into the OR, I hopped up on the table, then things finally starting moving along- at kind of a dizzying pace.

I couldn't see, for one thing. I had left my glasses behind in my little room. I could tell that the big lights over the operating table were really funky, that the doc and nurses all wore those lead capes (they do a chest X-ray to make sure they got the port in the right place) and the surgeon's apron was camouflage- I remarked on that. What was he hiding from?! The nurses strapped these sleeves to my legs that alternately pumped up to keep the blood flowing in my legs and prevent clotting, and they strapped my arms down at my sides. I was given several warm blankets because it's always cold in an OR, and this was no exception.

The nurse anesthetist, Paul, was this nice, grandfatherly man who rides his bike to work every day, rain or shine, wind or snow. I learned where the bike rack is (so I can park next to him when it finally gets nice enough for me to ride over for treatments), and we talked bikes for a while. A machine beeped two notes, and I said, "Perfect fourth." He cleverly noted that I must be a musician, and started asking me about key signatures.

I groggily said, "Do you mind if I pray for you guys before we get started?" and launched into a prayer for my surgical team. When I finished, Paul said, "That was really sweet, honey, but we're already done."

That's some powerful stuff that Paul was pumping into me! Hahaha!

It's true. He lulled me into sleep by talking about key signatures, and before I knew it, they were all done and I was in recovery.

Once I woke up, I was awake. I did not drift in and out of sleep. My scalp was itchy, which everyone seemed to think was a little odd. That went away before long, they got me a drink of ice water, and I just sat around looking at the blurry images around me. The woman behind the curtain next to me was in a lot of pain (8 on the pain scale, according to her), so I prayed for her for a while. Then they wheeled me back to my little room 9.

Matt had to leave for a lunch appointment, so it was just me and mom in my room as I sat around and waited for them to let me go. I was really alert, and felt fine. The incision site was pretty sore, and I am glad that I found someone else to play piano for my students at recital that afternoon- though I did attend. They did great, in case you were wondering.

After leaving the surgery center, Mom & I went to Hobby Lobby (I gave her a sewing project to work on that afternoon), stopped at Juice Stop for a liquid lunch for me- not mandatory, just what I felt like having), and Bagel Boy for a sandwich for her, then to the pharmacy for my pain meds and back home.  We puttered around for a couple of hours working on our little projects (I got my t-shirt for the breast cancer run done), then headed over to USF to hear my students sing at our weekly student recital hour.

The weather forecast was not looking good, so Mom & Maia ran to Shopko to get overnight supplies for Mom (and new shoes for Maia- that girl knows how to work the system.... she might have figured that out by watching me), then back home again.

I had cancelled my evening lessons (I think. Nobody showed up, anyway), and my friend Jennifer brought us dinner. I enjoyed a chicken fajita salad for supper, and we all went to bed early. The kids have STEP tests this week, and I was pooped by 8:30!

*Update.* I slept well, and woke up early. The pain is certainly manageable, and I'm looking forward to a great day. Chemo education starts at 8:30, then I get to do a wig consultation. I've invited the news crew and my friend Polly along for the wig thing. I hope it's as fun as I anticipate it being. Of course it will be! Polly's coming along!

The weather is really pretty nasty. Freezing rain, turning to snow later today. Hoping that Mom can make it home safely, as she didn't bring her blood pressure medication with her.