First Day of Spring 2013

Wednesday, March 20, 2013.

I started my morning with a migraine headache. This is the third Wednesday in a row. The last two made sense. I have been directing the All-School Musical at my daughter's elementary school for the last 3 months, and Wednesdays are rehearsal days. Last Thursday was our performance. We did Disney's "The Jungle Book: Kids!" It was pretty epic.  Here's a picture:

This is not actually the whole deal. There are about 100 more kids that function as the chorus. It's a pretty big deal. That performance each year is one of my favorite days. This was my 5th year as director.

But it's a lot of stress, and migraines are one of the ways my body handles stress. About 3 weeks ago, I noticed a breast lump. I have had sort of "fibrous breasts" most of my adult life, and I tried my hardest to convince myself that this was just nothing abnormal. I cut sugar and caffeine out of my diet completely because I knew that those things contribute to fibroids.  I didn't have time to go to the doctor. I ignored it for a week.

Well, 2 weeks ago, I decided that it was bothering me enough (in my brain) that I should see if I could squeeze in a doctor's visit during spring break/ production week. The doc who saw me said there were several good things about this lump: It was mobile, smooth, and tender. BUT she sent me in for a diagnostic mammogram just in case. 

So on Monday morning of this week, I dropped my son off at middle school and drove over to the Breast Center. I had just been there for my yearly mammogram (first one) in January, so at least I was familiar with the process. 

The mammogram showed nothing, but they sent me to get an ultrasound because it was a palatable lump. The mammogram tech sounded very positive. The ultrasound tech could definitely see something there, but he sounded positive too. They had a doctor read the ultrasound, and he recommended a needle biopsy. They were actually able to do it right then, with only a little waiting for phone calls to be answered and permission to be given. 

They numbed up the area, and used the ultrasound wand to make sure they were going to hit the right area, then stuck a needle with a spring-loaded trigger into the mass and grabbed some tissue samples:

This is a picture from the Avera breast cancer information site. 

This experience is just about as pleasant as it sounds...

Anyway, when I left there on Monday morning, everyone was very positive that I had nothing to worry about. I figured I had done the things I needed to do to allay my fears. So I stopped worrying.

I went to work at the small Christian university where I teach voice lessons as an adjunct music professor, and I taught my boatload of lessons that I normally do on a Monday. I reconnected with students who had just gotten back from Spring Break, and dropped some ice packs in my bra as the day went on and the numbness wore off. 

I worked all day Tuesday, and went home and was just getting ready to teach my after-school lessons when I got a call from my doctor's office. They asked me if I could come in yet that afternoon to discuss the results of my test. It was 15 minutes until I started my after school lessons for the next 2 hours. I told the nurse that no, I wasn't available because I had to teach piano lessons. She was a bit taken aback. "Piano lessons." She said. Uh, yeah. It's my job. I rescheduled for Wednesday morning at 11:30. My darling husband, Matt said, "Do you want me to come with you?" 

Wait. Is this going to be bad news? Naw... It's probably just "So now you have fibroid tumors. Let's talk about what that means." I honestly wasn't worried. 

Imagine our surprise when my doctor came into the exam room and broke the news that they found cancerous cells in the biopsy. I was seriously shocked! We do not have much history of cancer at all in our family- well, I guess my dad's sister fought it for years. But, I breast fed both of my babies! I have totally cleaned up my diet! I haven't had a drink of soda in YEARS! I am really healthy! My immune system is very strong. I go to the chiropractor multiple times a month. How can I possibly have cancer?! 

She answered as many questions as she could, and now we wait. 

I have an appointment next Wednesday with the Avera Breast Center, just a few blocks away from my house. It's a beautiful building. I've actually had students do a recital there. They have a lovely piano and stage in their main atrium. I am now a patient. That's so weird. 

I won't know anything about what stage I am, or what the treatment plan is until after that appointment, so for now, we tell our friends. 

And we wait. 

This part isn't fun. 

So here's what I have found to be thankful for:

• I have SO many people who love me. Wow. It's just overwhelming. I can feel the peace that comes from  so many dear friends praying for me and my family. Everyone keeps asking what they can do to help. I really don't know. Take it away?

• I have a great big God. And I trust Him completely. He has prepared me for this moment in a lot of ways, and just like Jesus' disciples, I was still blindsided when the hammer fell. But God is still in control, and I am in the palm of His hand. 

• My husband rocks. He is just so supportive and wonderful. We are both scared. Of course we are. But I have no doubt that he will be right beside me through all of this. Please pray for our kids, Xander (13) and Maia (8). They're having a rough time. 

• My mom is all over this. As a nurse, she knows the lingo, and will be right there beside me every step of the way. 

• I was diagnosed on the first day of Spring. It is also the beginning of Holy Week on Sunday. These two things mean so much to me on a symbolic level. I know that God is beginning a new work in me through this season. 

I would like to tell you a story to finish out this post.

6 months ago, I was a part of a major production of "The Magic Flute" here in Sioux Falls (click on the link to see pictures. It was also amazing). We rented our set from a small opera company in North Carolina. 2 guys from that company came along with the set to make sure the production went off without a hitch. We learned a lot from one of them in particular, and some of our opera board members met with him to talk about the future of Sounds of South Dakota, Inc. It wound up being me and two other ladies who were able to meet with this guy (David), and when they both went to the salad bar, he and I made small talk, and it wasn't long before he discovered that I am a Christian. He was so excited! I said, "Well, all of us are. It's actually not all that uncommon around here." But he just couldn't get over the fact that he had come all the way out to the other end of the planet and felt that it was God-ordained that we meet. (He is a little more charismatic than some of us stoic Upper Midwesterners) 

I invited him to come with me to church on Sunday morning during the run of the show, and he accepted. When we got there a bit early, we sat and talked for a while, and he said, "I don't want to freak you out or anything, but I feel like I have a word from the Lord for you. Are you open to that?" 

Well, sure. 

He said, "I feel like the Lord is saying, 'You're going to have a bit of a health scare coming up here. But everything's going to be OK.'" I know he said more than that to me. There was something about finding peace in His presence, but suddenly, this moment of prophecy has come back to me, and it is a great comfort. 

Anyway, we are beginning a journey, but I am still me. I am still going about business as usual. I told my students that nobody gets out of recital because of this. We are still hoping to be able to go to St. Louis with Xander's state champion Lego League team in late April. But obviously, things are going to suck for a while. 

Thanks for joining me on the journey.